yes this posting wasn't here before, but i added it later on

i was taking a break from doing chores - ironing n folding clothes (yeah yeah again...) @ 2.30 am when i was scribbling this. during d day i had 4 hrs of sleep after feeling so depressed n fatigue. i forget all my werk n slept in d small room @ our shop n pedulikla sama itu staf aku boss suka akula apa aku nak buat heh.

my very weak body n depressed mind is prolly a result of taking a hormone pills prescribed by my M.O few days ago after not having menses for more than 40 days. nope, they did a CT Scan on me, no baby, no cutie flesh in my womb, no sign of pregnancy so she prescribed me those pills. she said if tak period jugak after 7 days come back for birth control pills. NO WAY!!!! hell no! dun wan!! baru ini pun badan aku dah macam taik je rasa. wekkkkkk

It was so awful....

jazz had an appointment with an ENT Specialist Dr Har or full name Dr Primuharsa Putra (wowweeee d name, cam nama rina lak ada putra putra kehs kehs) due to some symptom she has evesince she was born. right now i'm wishing i married an M.O instead of an engineer asik asik pegi balik keluar masuk bilik doktor. well Dr Har did a test.... a very very hard-to-see-for-a-mama test to jazzy. he had to insert a small tube into jazz's nose until it comes out through d throat to see if there's any blocking... i can't bare even d sight of it but i had to hold her legs as she was kicking so hard n her face turned blue from crying. azam tried to make her laugh to keep her calm but nuthing worked. Dr Har said there is a blocking and referred her to his own clinic in HUKM on friday to do X Ray. my eyes was wet wit tears. i think Dr Har understood, he didnt tegur me for d crying or anything. he looked worried n concerned, so i know jazz's situation couldn't be good. sokay, we'll wait till friday when d results come.

later on @ home azam asked me 'tak sakit ke jazz tadi tu ummi? sampai biru muka dia tadi' well d truth is before i went through dat test and it feels awful. imagine if i feel awful, how did jazz feel? i told azam dat. one thing bout my hubby is he really haf this great affection for jazzy. jazzy's much closer to azam than me most of d time when he's around.

if on friday the X Ray shows there's a bad bad blockage, then jazz haf to undergo a minor surgery to remove wat they call 'adenoid'. my God, i can bare things happening to me, i had bad accidents, i scared my face for lifetime after sliding it down on d road, but watching jazzy in pain will tear my heart apart. dear God just lemme be tougher!