there's no point living in a beautiful world if my daughter aint well. i left everything behind, MTV, major project, husband, sleep and rest... priority is jazz, and jazz alone when she's sick.
we haf been to n fro to d clinic, but last nite jazz really made me panicked. first, her temperature jumped up to 39.5 degrees, only 0.5 degrees to dangerous level. we hurried to az-zahrah islamic medical center (where jazz was born) straight to the emergency dept. after examination, jazz was allowed to go back, with a warning to us to watch out for epilepsy cus once she reach 40 degrees, posibility of epilepsy is high. we must also conduct sponging whenever her temperature rise.
we went back home, put jazz to sleep after given her d medications she was prescribed. she slept at almost 11, and for 2 hours i could finally rest, one whole day i have been watching her almost witout a blink except when she sleeps, and when i hafto to cook her porridge.
1.00 am, me n azam were watching Unbreakable beside her (all of us sleep in the living room now) when suddenly i saw blood coming out from her nose. a lot of blood, more than usual (jazz often nose bleed). i was shocked to see dat much blood but i jest cleaned it all up. she's still fast asleep. 1/2 an hour later as i was jest about to begin doing major project's scripts, she suddenly cough, and it sounded so horrible dat i felt all the pitiness for her, suddenly she wants to vomit, hurriedly we put the basin we'd prepared beside her and she began vomitting, first a lot of phlegm came out, then a blood clot!! OMG only He knows how panicked me n azam was. i asked azam to hold her and i straight away called az zahrah. damn d staffs in d office they were prolly sleeping, it took so long for em to answer d phone, and finally i got to speak with the outpatient dept. after a while, i asked for d doctor and began explaining wat happened. she asked me to calm down and try to put some ice in a cloth and rub it around her nose area and continue sponging. she said she can't come to any conclusion cus she had jest began antibiotics. and so i did wat she asked, and jazz went back to sleep. i coudln't blink an eye, so i took d oppoturnity to do my scripts and shot list, and finally doze off around 4 am, azam continues the shift, itupun whenever jazz cry i cant help waking up.
8 am i was already up cooking jazz's porridge. we promised jazz if she got better today we'd bring her to alamanda. and azam had a missed call from az zahrah @ 1.42 am, apparently d doctor asked us to bring jazz back there, for blood analysis. so we brought her there afer feeding her porridge and medicines. well, she has to do a blood analysis indeed. d doctor asked her to clench her hands, she was soooo calm dat i'm so proud of her. i told her, 'clench your hands like those power rangers does' and so she did. she watched the doctor poke her capilaries to get her blood out, i was already holding her tight, but surprisingly, she didnt even cringe! dat's my tough daughter, and doctor said 'hey i like this girl, other kids would've cried their lungs out, she doesn't even make a noise'. i told doctor she's used to needles, and had her toncils removed when she was 1 ++.
resukts turns out ok... luckily no dengue, malaria or such, but well she does haf some virus infection. wat virus i dunno. its hard when things like this is beyond our control, especially when we had to send jazz to guardian's house when i go to skool.
as promised (eventho she hasn't got better) we brought her to alamanda and bought her clothes, let her play bob jet twice and boat once... look at her...
we felt like we had a meeting with MTV themselves
I rarely haf problems for presentation, being an ex-debator, school actress and not to mention many many elocutions and public speakings i haf done. but today i was a nervous wreck, i sweat like crazy and i went to toilet avoiding to be d first few people to present my moodboards.
Ms Nicole from RMIT was present, to moderate and comment on our progression so dat we can improvise in wutever posibble ways. this is not d 1st time we haf a progression with ms nicole, she was around last semester as well.
well... i was d 5th person to present, after Andy, Afza, Husni and Faren. oklah... not too early, and i get to recite as many Ayat Kursi as i can he he. but it went well, and i actually feel more confident when Ms Nicole gasp as my moodboard appears on the projector screen. Eugene who knows every single bit bout my concept was bz nodding, and Ms Nicole said she liked my color scheme, which credit to Eugene again for reminding me to maintain the color scheme for each ident. as i explain my concept, how i want to manipulate two very different ideas - science and MTV, i could see Ms Nicole nodding and dat adds up to my confidence. all in all it went well, the only amendment i haf to make is to chane d greenboard colour to slightly more bluish, and the location setting of physics ident from a lecture hall to a physics lab/class. not too bad, as compared to some who had to do major changes. the advantage of seeing Eugene all d time :op.
why? why did i felt so nervous before presenting? it's prolly the 'want' to make this a success, the desperation, the need. i was really afraid if anything goes wrong, if Ms Nicole or Eugene find my style, idea and character design suck. and the need for this to give my CV/portfolio a plus point. all these add up to the tense i had.
Phewwhh Alhamdulillah... now i will haf to start animating, yeappp the hardest part is here! more sleepless nites and aching head/back/eyes... i asked for this didn't i? but i guess i'm still up to it. may this be my way to richness!! :op
power? power apa? power macam ni??? as i was a bit free and having terrible insomnia, i pack mama's pwezen (yeah her b'day today, one day after ateem's!) and felt, 'ee murahnya bday prezen' but i dun wanna be hipokrit, buying her prezen with her own money, eventho it's consider my gaji/allowances. sooo not right. so i got an idea, y dun i scribble sumthing for her? this is it... it's suppose to be mama herself...
Happy Birthday Mama! Allah selamatkan mama dunia akhirat... Amin...
ahh.. for d 1st time in a few weeks, i feel at ease, i feel on track. no i'm not saying my werks are perfect, but i fulfilled module requirements up till now. i can do some extra works tomorrow. tonite, i hafta spend a bit of time to iron hubby's werk wear, and i could do some of mine too.
i only got to sleep for 2 hours this morning, when dad called me @ 8.30 am saying 'we can go and buy the book you want today!' and woozy or no woozy, i forced my body to get outta bed and take a shower. for dat book, i'd do anything.
what book? this book.
so y i want it so much? even sleeping for only two hours didnt stop me from buying it.
i've been wanting to post bout my new camera, but wednesday nite i was so bz and last nite i wasted my time sleeping cus my asthma struck. sheisssshh!!!
at last! my own digital camera. Nikon Coolpix L1 - 6.2 megapixels and 5x optical zoom, 2.5" LCD screen. (well not exatcly my own, azam has 40% share) (picture taken from sumwhere in this plaNET, dun accuse me for stealing bandwith, this ppl can right click and view where da heck did d picures come from)
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Front View |
Back View |
ok i better resume my stranded-abandoned work (one night was supposed to be enuff for 5% work done damn it!). there's a 'special' discussion session for Major Project today but i dun think i'm going, eventho i was among d ppl who 'filed' complains. but uhh.. i didnt exactly complain for myself, i did it for fellow classmates, Video n Interactive ppl. 2D ppl, where there are only 4 of us out of the entire sem 5 ADOM, has always been feeded with examples and guides, but them, they felt 'dianaktirikan' he he. so i better stay away and give em a chance to speak out.
checklist of today's activities ::
Activities
Whacky - drove huge rexton to skool (woke up late, too late for bus)
Refreshing - Time Remapping (AE) tutorial in Media Elective class
Stuck and pushed - progression check with Eugene
Enlightened - viewing 'making-of's increadibles & ice age, progression check wit mr Tan & ms Linda
Uppers
- got to watch 'a cup of tea' animation short done by senior, i LIKE d style and concept, damn
- got to browse ANIMATION NOW book mr Tan brought to class (Major Project)I really really really want dat BOOK damn it!! featuring many many of my fav animator like micheal dudok, bruno bozetto, cordell barker, john hodgson along with the rationale of their visual style and depiction!)
- was stuck on choosing UGLY or WOOZY, but now (after a lot of discussion wit mr Tan n Linda) chosen one :: UGLY, proceeding to character design, scripts, scene breakdowns...
- got 3 of my characters approved by Eugene (tho with a lot of pushing)
- SOLD my Nikon F55D!!!! yeeeehaaaaa now, hafto buy MY OWN digicam
Downers
- Media Elective - progressing too slow :o(
- hate my visual style, can't achieve d look i want, i keep on doing streotypical flat stuffs :o(
- i can't rest late afternoon as usual (so i can stay awake till morning)
- my hand's nerves are beginning to strike my patience. again. this time it even leaves a mark.
- i feel so low, stupid and uncreative on arts :o( (i dun care if isnt even a word)
-i felt betrayed, dunno by whom, by what, or how. but i feel it. fishy. intuitions?
btw, since everyone nak buat poem/pantun about this issue, i wanna do osso lah. but this one bantai only, to hell wit formats.
Minyak dah naik
Api pun mintak naik
Air bila nak naik?
Bila bau dah ilang?
Ke bila babi lari dari kandang?
Minyak dah naik
Marah pun dah naik
F1 pun dah start
Keretanya dah ada blum?
Ke still pinjam Renault lagi?
hahahahahhahah aku gila. dah 2.30 pagi saper tak giler, asik tekan mouse ajer?!
*heh**sigh* it's been... happy for minutes, angry in another, tired in most of d days, sad a lot of hours during these few days.
menses sux, when i dun get em, i'll be dead worried. when i get em... it simply suck.
progression check with Eugene on thursday went well, brought many ideas to my stuck-freezin brain. i've got new look for chem teacher, Eugene made me do it in class with dat blardy-hard-to-control-cacat-dun-haf-right-click mac's mouse on dat beautiful-white-awesome-graphic-super-fast eMac so he can make sure i got it right this time, well it was good, so i locked down on it there and then. and physics teacher got legs instead of those lazy-character-designer looking tires ;op (indeed i was trying to cut short on anything i can). and the only moodboard i prepared for him was.. uhm, not to say rejected, d whole idea was there but style wise suck. well kinda expected dat, i did it 4 am in d morning before class, after being awake d whole night, cranky design tends to pop out during these kinda time :op (excuses excuses.)
well now i have 9 moodboards (3 for each MTV ident) to prepare for presentation in another week + 2 days, but on this coming tuesday he wants to see at least many of it if not 9. been in his class long enuff to expect this kinda workspeed. meaning now i really hafta finish my character design fast, so i can put em in my moodboards, at least some out of d 9. so checklist of what i hafta do now:
Media Elective
4 Character Designs (2 down, 2 to go)
9 moodboards (1 down, 8 to go)
Major Project
story development and finalization
*phewhhhhhh*
brought jazz to alamanda today, she really enjoyed the bus ride back home. i hadta pick her up from her babysitter's house (dekat je, jalan kaki 15 mins, damn i'm tired) cus she was going for a seminar today, sumthing gotta do wit UMNO also. she already informed me last week, but i totally forgot (*sigh* forget so many things lately). nasib baik i didnt go to KL ( iwas suppose to meet friends there) yet when hubby sms and reminded me, kalau tak kesian jazz, kena tunggu lama dengan nurin (anak babysitter, who barely knows much bout babysitting but play with kids well). i brought her to McD's playland in Alamanda and she got to play her BobJet and Ship (Bob d Builder and Fishing Bear joyride) twice, until my shilling's all gone. she really knows how to empty my pockets, like how i did to mama. then petang we go to Pasar Tani Mega in front of MoF with hubby, nenek ucu n ateem. thank God finally got pasar tani here in Putrajaya, things are cheaper than our usual marketplace - Carrefour! talk about urbanisation... eh?
oh yeah, mama papa and syamin are going to Shanghai in d morning, gonna send em to airport @ 6.30 am. *sigh* this is a trip mama is suppose to belanja me for getting good results last sem, but i myself declined to go, cus i know i wont be able to catch up with project work when i get back. sacrifices sacrifices... i hope with this sacrifice, i get to go to d whole world bringing hubby and jazz along lonce i'm working, with my very own hard-earned money. talkbout *dreams*...
better start doing work. hopefully i'm not too cranky today onwards, cus menses is nearly finished. i really need to get on a sejadah and plea to God to give me strength to finish my projects.
mannn... d more i look at dat stupic chem teacher, d more i hate it. i really need an idea fast. by the way, here's ZAMBOT, the nutsy physics teacher.
from dat to dat, looks like my physics teacher is going through major personality changes. muehehehehe. progressing good :op but uhh.. wutabout d 2 other teachers? *sigh*
this is my physic robot teacher - 1st attempt. Eugene says it's too serious, should be more grungy and started scribbling sumthing dat looked like Invader Zim. thanks to him, cus i was outta ideas. so... stop till here for this one, developing a new one, sumthing a bit simillar to wat i've created, just need summore CRE AeH TEE VEE TEEyE! sp dat's wat we call... Character Development :op
Major Project presentation yesterday. it was... d worst presentation i ever did. i just read wutever i had on d slide, and tried to explain in a very bad bad way of communicating. i was having my menses. dat sux u know, menses always gets in my way. but i was lucky, i didn't hafta stand in front of mr tan and ms linda being criticize to d point of dumbness, like many of my classmates. maybe because i approved my stories way earlier and get to develop them before the presentation. many of them didnt get their story approved or they got rejected so they were presenting blindly. yeah, some had to bear with mr tan and linda's 200-times-american idol-like critiques. class ended i dunno wat time but it was already 30 mins past d allocated time (6pm) and azam n jazz had ta wait more than an hour for me in hassan street mall so i cabut. there were 2 more people havent even done their presentation.
went to eat sate kajang @ tmn warisan with my eyes refusing to open, i slept all the way till morning once i got back home. Hellish day for me yesterday. 1st day of menses SUX.
i think if limkokwing were to open a hospital, it could be another good source of income, or probably a pharmacy, at least? :op ni baru converse wit yanna, wait till converse wit oja, baru balik dari sedut tank oxygen la, kena injection la, yanna osso naik merah2 when stress la, rambut gugur la... d boys? u try and ask em la, they always berlagak macho only :op
see, got ideas already, began depicitng. my hubby's robot hands, looks so kids stuff but dats i want, freakin people dun laff, screw it.
