I have been ultra-bz, I know I've said it too many times before dalam blog ni if u search the word busy banyak gila post will come out, but if a graph is produced to chart my bz-ness, I think right now it's totally at d peak.
I've never been so bz, that I could not finish SO MANY work I planned to do in a day, I've never been so bz that I had to forget about breakfasting with nice, yummy delicacies and choose a drink I hated since small instead - Horlicks Lite, itupun tak abes. I've never been so bz that having two mobile phones isn't enuff at all, d batt keeps on dying that I have to charge it 3-4 times a day, kalau tak tu, 3-4 hari tak charge pun sehat lagi. I've never been so bz that I can actually patiently wait till i have enuff money to buy a good BlackBerry or E72 or equivalent when I already have enuff to buy at least a basic smartphone of any brand, but honestly, i think i've been too bz to think of buying new phones, and camera for that matter camera dah lama rosak. I've never been so bz that I sanggup habis 3 takuk minyak nak kejar client within a short distance. I've never been so bz that I sleep only 4-5 hours a day EVERYDAY ESPECIALLY during weekends. I've never been so bz that sleeping during day time is 99% impossible no matter how tired my eyes are. I've never been so busy to ignore a pondan's comment in another friend's status that meniaga ubat kurus hanya sesuai dijalankan oleh low class ppl [although Rasulullah SAW dah kata meniaga is d most noble job of all jobs] and I really dun care if he/she means to perli me. I've never been this busy!
I don't know if the people around me can keep up with my current situation or not, but it's quite obvious that the kids are demanding to see more of me, I even tried to bring Kyra to work occasionally, tapi sampai butik I had to let her play by herself cus I'm bz with clients n customers [both are totally different although they belong to d same category]. Jazzy sometimes spend some hours in d boutque after school esp if she doesnt haf Kafa class but even that happens, I dont haf enuff time to look at all her homeworks, just the ones she complains 'susah' only I peek and did some revision with her.
Am I turning into a typical urban mom who doesn't care about her children? I really hope not! I'm trying my best to spend a lot of time with Kyra especially. I totally enjoy her company, she's growing oh-so-well and she's so intelligently talkative, just like Jazzy; they obviously get this part of their DNA from me. I really wanna spend a good whole day with her but I'll end up having things to do even when am at home. Ini nasib baik la mummy is staying with us, nanti if mummy dah pulang Sandakan, how? Are things gonna get so tight? I hate that. I hate the thought of that.
But do I haf any choice other than this? I need to generate lots of income not only for me, but for my parents, for my kids, for my siblings... SO I need to focus. Alhamdulillah, biz is flourishing. Soon i'll need to handle more than what am handling now. Parents is gonna pass things to me slowly, little by little. But at the moment, Litchin is almost 90% under my control alone. I'm managing Litchin almost from A to Z. Memang sangat terasa Litchin is my ultimate department, and at the moment Litchin is by far the busiest department! And raya is coming... OMG its gonna be puasa soon. I really dont know wat to expect how things are gonna be this year. Last year dapat lagi berbuka dengan anak-anak.... nampak nampak tahun ni... harapan macam tipis!
Mama's health isn't giving me bright shiny days. Yes we're all worried. But Mama is d key player to Emas Sutera's survival, she's not ready to pass things down to me yet. Maybe she feels I'm not ready. takyah tunggu dia feel, I myself feel that I'm not. But Mama needs rest! She's forgetting things, she's obviously tired, makin lama makin kurus, selalu tak sehat.... camana ni? I dont know! Sometimes even when I dont mean to hurt her she feels hurt. Ultra-sensitiveness, its d sign of old-old-age. But she's not ready, I'm not ready, papa, ntahlah I pun tatau what's his plan... so... *sigh* serabutnya!
I really dont know how am I coping with this, but surprisingly I am. Maybe the number 30 is making me more mature and steadier. Things are manageable no matter how ugly it looks like from the outside. I'm still able to keep things under control.
Come to think of it.... maybe Allah is answering my prayers, and He's making me tougher and tougher, day by day, enduring all the tasks n responsibilities I have to carry. I just hope I would not go astray, and I hope no matter how, no matter what, I could still keep my kids at the top of my priority list. And for that, hope hubby understands how things are with me nowadays too. Please console me when I need to be consoled, Encik Husband. Keep me calm, keep me steady. If it's not you who's watching my back, then who will?
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