Boredom n Longing.

Bored.

Home alone. Nak gi movie (dah lama tak tgk movieee)... sakit. My nose is dripping non stop. My head is still spinning. My body still lembik. Owh well, I AM a candle-princess after all. True. What Babah an Papa said is true. Mama jest simply labels me as lembik. Who else knows me better? Yeah. Wutever.

I am the person who is very easily bored. Among the OMG-how-could-you-get-bored-thing that I am bored of now is MY WORK! Just as how I got bored at E-Media, I' m bored of my LAME routine in AMCP. Presumed by Papa, I'll be bored with my job in 2-3 months. Owh well, my best record so far, I've exceeded 3 months in AMCP. Bad bad employee, I am. But the thing is, WHY AM I BORED?

E-Media was quite excuseable, cus it was contract-basis, I 'ran-away' after realising I could be better off doing freelance with em. In fact, I am still having sum kinda 'mutual-freelanceship'with em *wink*wink*@adar. So I didn't really 'ran-away' after all. But AMCP... hmm... dear dear AMCP... (please owh please no one give this URL to CEO) I just... I AM BORED. I am bored of the rigidness, I can't get creative in AMCP, all my bombastic ideas would be rejected, then I come out with sumthing BORING, to them it's MARVELOUS. Now how boring is dat? Everytime I'm required to design sumthing, I have to DOWNGRADE my thinking, I other words, I hafto think of how not to be thinking. Pening? U bet, I am pening too!!! Plus, eventho I am the so-called-selected Team Leader, no one bothers to play their role around me. Be it in the team, below the team or BEYOND the team. It's only a name to give me more burden and I totally feel puppetified (I don't care if it isn't even a word).

Longing.

I miss those days when I hadta crack my head to come out with sumthing unsual. When I hadta push my limits to draw my precious animations FRAME BY FRAME. I miss juggling with Adobe After Effects, editting and putting in sound fx with Adobe Audition, counting momentums, figuring in-betweens, animating motions, mistakenly applying effects, redo redo and redo, at least I crack myself to create sumthing that LOOKS GOOD. and BEAUTIFUL. and PELIK. and UNUSUAL. and PICTURE PERFECT to those artistic eyes... being criticized for not being WEIRD and also for my IMPERFECTION. But now... now all I got is criticism for NOT BEING STEREOTYPE!!!!! for not THINKING like a LAYMAN!!!!! for not BEING USUALLL!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!! I'M BOREDDDDDDDDDDD

Yes. So now do u understand, why am I bored? I am... a helpless weird PERFECTIONIST. I bow to my UNSETTLED MIND. I caress the WEIRDNESS. and I WANT TO be tired, though I am a lembik person, though I crack under pressure but cracking makes me HIGH. I AM dat PELIK lady who REFUSE to be streotype. I WANT IMPACT, not BOREDOM. I AM A QUITTER, and I don't care if quit means 'OMG, she only works in each workplace no more than 3 months!' but please, look beyond that, analyze the reason, put urself in my weird shoes, then u'll realize.

I am LONGING to get outta this BOREDOM.