nuthing could ever make a mother's heart cringe ... than losing her child.
u guys might think am talking bout jazz... nope. if it was jazz i wouldn't be composing this, if it was jazz i would've give up all pleasures and cheers just to devote my life to her, i might give up designing too... but i'm talking bout her unborn sibling, my 2nd child. the child i never knew i was pregnant with, until it came out of my womb, when it's just 6-7 weeks old.
i didn't know i was pregnant. earlier in september i had a dream that i was in labor, giving birth to a 2nd child. i've had cravings, i've had nausea, vomitting and such, but i just denied every instinct that said... i'm pregnant. y? because i was under contraceptive, but apparently, it didnt work.
4.15 pm, sundey afternoon, azam told me to wake up from my short nap as i was too tired doing assignments and studying for my history of art's test. 'bangun, nak gi pasar ramadhan tak?' he said. so i went to d toilet to get freshen up. two days earlier i had wat i tot was my menses, so i need to change my... u know wat. that i felt it... a sudden gush came out from 'there'. it made me sit, so painful, it's like a sharp pain suddenly razing in my womb. i checked, and i had d shock of my life... it doesn't look like blood at all, it looked like flesh. i straight away called my mom, i described the shape of it to her, she told me to go to doc right then.
when i was at d doc, i just pass urine so she can't give result there n then so she asked me to come again after i've eaten and drink. so i came back after breakfasting time... yada yada yada she referred me to O&G specialist... she yup, looks like it is a miscarriage and there's a little bit of flesh still in ur womb, u need to do DnC.. she asked me to come d next day for it's too late to do DnC, it's already 9.30, i'm exhausted, it's not good for me if i were to do it by then... so i had DnC 17th October 2004... d day my 2nd child officially got out of my wound... and sent to d lab to be analysed i still havent get d results yet...
i hafto rest... but i can't stay put. i'll keep on thinking bout d baby i lost, how i would've taken care of my health if i knew... but didnt i felt so guilty for not trusting my motherly instinct. i felt so selfish!!
i'm in skool now... i had to come for test. lecturer was apologizing as she really can't extenc d test i said no, it's good, i need d exercise n i need to get outta bed think bout sumthing else or else i'll keep on crying.....
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